The Curious Case of Lady Etihw
by TheParadoxicalOxymoron
Summary: Because this game needs a truck load of happiness. Deaged!Fic AU, OOC and crack! One-shot! image taken from mayuasagiri's tumblr


/ahem, alright here have at this lmao I was drunk off fluff. OOC, I can't do shy very well man and feels awfully crack too bruh don't expect much. I think this might be slightly au too.

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I do not own The Gray Garden! All rights belong to Deep Sea Prisoner/Mogeko. /muffled sobbing

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A large suspiciously purple plume of smoke engulfed a certain god in a certain world deep in the night while everyone else slumbered on.

Kcalb awoke to the most adorable face he'd seen in his entire existence, not that he'd ever admit it out loud of course.

Innocent black eyes greeted him this particular morning, accompanied by a violent jab to the side.

"Urk!" He toppled right out of his coffin, tangled in his bed sheets.

Dusting himself off and trying the best to regain whatever dignity he had left, he coughed slightly.

"Come on mister, I couldn't find anyone else in this ginormous castle to play with, so I guess you'll have to do!" A cheerful smile adorned her face as the little girl tugged insistently on the cape he never went anywhere without, he choked on his cough.

"Eti-etihw!? Is that you? What happened to you?" A dumbstruck expression clouded Kcalb's face.

He then scrutinized the child with an appraising eye.

The child was dressed in a smaller version of Etihw's usual outfit of gray robes but her hair hung past her mid-back.

The girl screwed up her lips and scrunched up her little button nose. "I dunno, I mean haven't I always been this way? Or did the aliens abduct me and wipe my memory?"

"Come on now, you old geezer, let's goooo!" She eagerly clambered up his cape and yanked on his horns. Hard.

"Owww! And I'm not _that_ old!" He complained, swinging the little girl up onto his shoulders instead of dangling precariously.

"Nu-uh! Your white hair means you're old!" She stuck out her tongue.

In a daze, Kcalb let the bossy child guide him out his sleeping quarters. _Hadn't he locked his doors the night before..?_

"Okay, Etihw, what's the last thing you remember?" Kcalb tried to make sense of things.

"Eh? I was playing with a small boy in a park I think? He was such a cry baby, I couldn't help but tease him till he cried a whole lot!"

_Okay, child Etihw does not remember much._ His expression darkened mildly. _I can't deal with this!_

Piggy backing a highly demanding child who would not take no for an answer, was effortless really but the incessant jabbering wasn't.

"Hey old man! Don't you think fighting's bad? It always makes people so sad. I wonder why..." Her eyes became more distant.

"Don't call me old!" was his automatic response.

"... I suppose fighting is bad, because people get hurt, but sometimes fighting is necessary, to fight for what you believe in." He mused wryly, not believing he was having a conversation with the child who would one day wage war on him.

"Why can't everyone just get along with each other? Fighting is like really, really bad!" She huffed into his ear, pouting.

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Kcalb smiled gently, lowering the girl onto the ground as she gazed around in wonderment and would have escaped to go flower picking had he not gotten a good grip on her own cape.

He knocked on a wooden door in the gray village, a violently flailing child by his side.

"Welc- Oh Lord Kcalb what brings you here?" Dialo gasped.

He gestured wordlessly beside him. "Lord Kcalb, not to be rude but, there's no one there." Dialo sweatdropped.

He spun around. There was no small excitable child dressed in robes beside him.

"Oooh, so this was what the purple thing we found did!" Ater and Arbus cheered, spinning the girl around as she giggled happily, raven locks flying out.

"Ater, Arbus, what did you do?" Kcalb loomed imposingly over them.

"Eheheh, Lord Kcalb, we were just playing around!" Ater grinned.

"Just playing!" Arbus nodded with an equally wide grin.

He held a hand to his face. "Do you have anymore of whatever it was left?"

"No, Lord Kcalb!" Arbus put in.

"Spilled it all on Lady Etihw, we did!" They chimed together.

He could feel a migraine building up. "Where did you get this 'purple thing'?"

"Found it lying by the seashore on one of our patrols, yesiree!" Arbus saluted. Ater pointed in the general direction of the beach, nodding.

He felt like wrapping his hands around both of the cheeky brats' necks.

Chelan was busy humming small tunes in the meantime to keep Etihw entertained, as said child clapped in amazement.

"Dialo, Chelan, could you keep Etihw company for the time being? I need to go check with Greif to see if she knows anything." He instructed.

The both of them agreed without much trouble.

"Oh a deaging potion? I haven't seen one of those in ages. It usually takes very long and complicated process to brew one so to think that someone took the time to make one..." Greif muttered as she flipped through the books in the library. "Ah let's see here, how to reverse the effects of deaging."

There is no known cure for the usage of a deaging potion and the only way is to wait for the effects to wear off. LOL LOSER.* Kcalb nearly scorched the book had Greif not snatched it out of harm's way.

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"Oooh, what have we here? What's a little girl doing in a village like this?" Ivlis picked the squirming girl up. Dialo and Chelan were both knocked unconscious, a pie lying smashed on the floor.

"Hey, whaddya think you're doing with the child? Huh? Lady ETIHW?!" Yosafire's crew were standing outside the door to Dialo's house, as per their usual schedule of apple pie.

Then Yosafire's gaze shifted to the upturned pie beside the pair. "How could you?! Dialo's pie is a national treasure!" Yosafire fumed.

"Hah?" Ivlis snorted.

"LET GO!" A little girl's temper should never be underestimated, let alone a child god's with uncontrollable powers.

'Poof' went Ivlis. "E-ehhh?" He bubbled helplessly at the bottom of the ocean.

"Dad?" Vendetto yelped and almost impaled his own father with his weapon.

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"Lady Etihw, I have returned from my errands..." Wodahs stared at the miniaturized version of the god he had pledged loyalty to.

"Yo, boss lady, I'm back!" Grora waved a hand in greeting.

Her hand dropped back to her side and she fell on the floor cackling her head off.

Wodahs immediately teleported to his brother's side. "Did you know that Lady Etihw is-" He stared at his brother on the ground wallowing in despair.

After a quick recap from Greif as to what had happened, he nodded pensively.

"I suppose it cannot be helped, we must simply wait for Lady Etihw to return to normal." Wodahs concluded decisively.

He slung an arm around his brother and teleported to where Etihw and the still cackling Grora were.

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"Apple pie is so awesome!" Etihw smiled obliviously. "Here old man, you have some too!"

He sighed and took the offered pie slice.

Night fell upon them as everyone tried to the best of their ability to treat Etihw like they normally would but soon everyone was settled back into their homes, ready to go to bed.

"Uh-uhmmm, old geezer? Do you think, maybe, I could sleep with you tonight? I don't like the sleeping alone... It's all dark and scary..." She shifted nervously, clutching a blanket in her hands tightly.

He said nothing but moved aside a little, sensing his reluctance in doing so, she beamed anyway and jumped in beside him. "Thanks old man, you ain't so bad for an old man after all!"

He was glad the darkness hid his blushing cheeks, even compliments from his crush in child form could get him this riled up.

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"Good morning Kcalb~ I trust you had fun yesterday~?" An adult Etihw peered down at him through her thick lashes.

He fell out of his coffin with another thump in two days, which couldn't possibly be good for his back, given his old age (cough), realization flooding him. "Yo-you tricked me!"

"Maybe, but you'll never be able to prove it. Who else do you think had the resources to make that potion?" She smiled benignly, tiptoeing a little to pat his head patronizingly.

"But it sure was fun to be a child again." She yawned and stretched a little, joints popping into position.

"See you later, Kcalb~" She laughed, fingers twitching in a goodbye before sauntering out his room.

"... Etihw I hate you so much." He mumbled into his hands as he sulked on the floor.

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Mini Extra: Inside Job

Etihw casually sneaked up beside Lowrie, appearing to be deeply engrossed in a book, who then held up a hand for a high-five.

"I do have to say Lowrie, much thanks for popping back to your home world and getting all the ingredients I needed." A coy expression danced across her face.

"No problem Lady Etihw, I must say that your editing of the book which Greif found was rather ingenious." He replied calmly, turning yet another page to his novel.

"Ehhhhh, I was really hoping for Arbus and Ater to dump the potion over Kcalb while he was asleep but I guess this way worked out just fine too." She frowned thoughtfully, tapping a finger to her lips.

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Extra Extra: Deaged Kcalb

"Wahhhhhh, momma where are you?" A young boy sniffled.

"Ah! Kcalb why didn't you ever tell me you were so adorable as a child!" Etihw cooed over the weeping boy, picking him up and nuzzling him like a soft toy.

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I tried..? idk pls kill me or leave input on how I can improve this to not be total and utter trash /buries face in hands sheepishly Merry Christmas, enjoy your holidays!

*It's a reference to episode 7/8(?) of gugure kokkuri-san!


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